I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
