I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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