Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
