but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need a beard to bite.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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