found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
