I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize