she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
