Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
