I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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