Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
