My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
