you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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