Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
