I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
