I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You can't just leave with hair like that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
