I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
