I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
