Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
