I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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