She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
