She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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