$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
