PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
