i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize