I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
