how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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