He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
