The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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