We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Where is the hickey?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
is wine microwaveable?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
