Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
