She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
