and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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