I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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