i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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