Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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