I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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