me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When are your genitals available?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize