she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
