I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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