I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
