Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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