I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
