I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
