just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
