Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
