i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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