I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
