I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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