I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
two words: eviction party
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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