I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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