i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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