Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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