let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
