so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
