Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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