she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
