Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sober January is a disaster.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
