Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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