Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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