Girls should come with a carfax report
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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