If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
