This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
