i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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