Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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