Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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