I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
